wordplay: Ben Simkins
images: Josh Gold

Hitting a grand slam in the big game. Throwing and subsequently catching the winning touchdown pass in the last two minutes of the Super Bowl. Finding your significant other waiting for you one night, wearing nothing but Princess Leia's slave costume! Yes, all these are common American male fantasies... Well, the last one might be a little more personal on my part but hey, a kid can dream, right?

There is one dream I have left out, however. Both Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin were able to indulge in this one for a brief minute, and really I ask you, who could possibly be more American than those two? The dream I'm talking about is having your own bar in your very own basement. Now I'm not talking about your run of the mill, cozy den with a mini-fridge stocked with Coke and four staple bottles of generic booze, mind you. I'm talking the real deal here. This was the dream of two men from Arizona. The real life manifestation is Maloney's.

Maloney's was born in 1991. It has now found its way to four locations across the west. Two in its native Arizona, one in San Diego and, since Nov '07, one in our neck of the woods. Market Street to be precise. Now the name might lead you to conjure visions of festive jigs and Guinness (which they do have on tap), the reason behind it conjures another. Because what is a basement bar without the camaraderie of acquaintances that "know your name". Maloney's... Malone... Sam Malone? Yep "cheer" me on for that spot of ‘Holmesian’ deduction. That's the story behind the name. The original Maloney's walls were adorned with still upon still from the TV show. Now the decor has moved on to encompass a plethora of movie, TV and music stars, including one above the bar with the staff, hidden in a very "Where's Waldo?" fashion. So who is Maloney's target crowd, you might wonder, with a name that conjures up different marketing points of view? The answer: everyone. This theme of spread out inclusion finds its way into nearly every aspect of Maloney's. Everything from Bud Light to Blue Moon is on tap. The menu goes from Philly Cheesesteak to Filet Mignon. The "hard stuff" covers all the bases. Happy Hour is non-secular, as any drink (except liters) is offered with a dollar off. There's never a cover and I'm assured that you'll never be left out in the cold to wait your turn unless they are at true capacity (unlike unmentioned others).

Even the music finds itself in the mix when it comes to pleasing the largest demographic. Every night the DJ can be found offering up a mix from the 60’s to today. But this mix isn't as free and unabridged as other aspects of Maloney's. You only have to see the small, metal plaque on the DJ booth door to learn that little tidbit. "This is my ship and I'll do as I damn please." This small message has been replicated from the original sign in Arizona and lays out the owners’ feelings towards patrons that venture forth to request a song purposefully vacant from the owner-generated play list. But once you turn your attention to the mass of flat screens adorning nearly every wall in the joint, a sense of compensating balance returns. Only magnified on Sundays, where eight boxes produce as many games as you can handle.

All this sameness is all well and good but what's life without a little variety to spice things up? For such things, Maloney's offers up a monthly theme party. January 17th will find Maloney's packed to the pictured walls with men’s second favorite dress-up choice... no I'm not talking about the Princess Leia Slave Girl outfit again. I'm talking pirates (first choice would be ninjas if you ask me)! Hopefully your role-playing only extends to drinking grog and singing sea shanties because it's all for the charity, as proceeds go to a designated cause. Don't believe me? The first event pulled around eight thousand dollars. Once March rolls around and the beads start to thaw, they'll be throwing a ‘Mardi-Masquerade Ball-Gras.’

So whether it’s pirates or pool that's your thing, Maloney's probably has you covered... while never actually charging you one.

(303) 825.1990 

1432 Market

MaloneysTavern.com